Well, yesterday we had a friendly scrimmage against SAJC. All I could describe for my performance was: why the fuck am I playing so badly. Despite scoring twice at the start, my mind wasn’t really into the game. I was distracted by all the thoughts going on inside my head. Besides, yesterday was also the start of the trials for the POL-ITE squad. Honestly speaking, I doubt I will be selected for the squad.
What was I thinking then? I’m not really sure. Just random and triggering thoughts I guess. Now I know what is the root to majority of my problems – overthinking.
I came across this video talking about overthinking. Basically, the video talked about being addicted to overthinking. Being addicted to overthinking means one constantly thinks about the negatives of the future, without control over your mind. Then, I realised, I was actually addicted to it.
I would subconsciously bring myself down in undesirable situations and always thinking about how I will cock up everything I do and whatsoever. But now I know what I’m doing wrong. I gotta stop being like this. It really sucks to feel negative at times but it has somewhat became a norm to me. I need to defeat this to regain control over my mind again.
All in all, I don’t want to wait for miracles or anything. I will to work towards it. Definitely will. I will overwhelm the negativity in me with positive energies from everyone. I can do this.