I tried. I didn’t stop at all. I did whatever I can to step out of my comfort zone to try and be sociable and all that. Still, I’m caring too much for other people and having said that they keep testing my patience. I ask myself everytime, “Is this what I deserve?” 

To be really honest, I’m starting to lose myself. The life inside me is starting to perish and my soul will be as empty as the void. There’s really no motivation and meaning in whatever I’m doing to keep myself happy. I’m so broken.

I really have this thought of dying because I’m nothing to people right? I’m just the jerk and that quiet guy everyone knows; And deep in my heart, I really think I don’t deserve to be alive. I was never asked to be born into this world. 

Now I know what it’s like to have my soul consumed by the bitterness of this world and the sorrowful pain in life.

I knew I wasn’t me anymore. 

Eric… is dead.


2 thoughts on “Gone.”

  1. No, Eric is not dead.
    I have been reading your blog for a while now and even though I do not know you in person I generally think you are a decent guy. You need to step up for yourself. Stop over thinking. Fuck others. Fuck the world. But dont let it fuck you up. You are alone in this world, you need to always put yourself first. And you are right, you didnt ask to be born but so is everyone else. Life is unfair. That is how the universe work. Shitty things happen to good people all the time. Kids get cancer. People die unexpectedly. There are bigger things happening around the world. And if you imagine how small you are in this universe, you realise how small your problems are. Remember that happiness is a choice. Don’t let shitty people ruin you, if you allow them to bring you down, you are giving up-you lose this battle. And I don’t see you as a loser. I see you as someone with potential (and that may sound weird from someone you havent met but i read your blog and u have gone through some hard times, remember that these are the things that makes you STRONGER). Surround urself with good people and block all the negative out. Take all those feelings out on something good, like studying or a hobby or even binge watching your favourite drama. Dont let the negative consume you. DO THINGS, it will make u DISTRACTED, and after doing so, you will realise the day is gone and you go to sleep and a new day repeats. Since you are given this life, make the most out of it, dont waste it. Remember that happiness is a choice. Just wait, good things will come but it will only start when u decide it will come. (tip: it always starts to come when you have good thoughts, just wait a week and see, and if it doesn’t, make the good happen.)

    Liked by 1 person

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