Weekly Update 21/8

What’s up guys how’s the week going?

Gonna write a short update. This week has been perfectly fine and it’s somewhat getting better for me. I realise that I need to control my temper and emotions or else people might misunderstand me and start to doubt or hate me or whatsoever. Other than that, everything is balancing out very nicely 😀

Exams are coming and this week is study week so I have no school and I’m gonna mug my way to GPA 4.0 😄 Now it’s not the time to be complacent but to be consistent. The As are up for grabs and it’s not the time to give up now. Good luck to everyone taking their exams!

After exams, I’m gonna train hard in frisbee and soccer since I’m lacking behind a lot. Although I’m not cut for the squad, but that doesn’t mean I give up completely. Time will speak for itself. Hardwork and determination will drive the passion beyond its limits. I will pull through.

Shall stop here for now. See you guys in my next post! Have a wonderful week ahead!

– Eric

Weekly Update 14/8

I completely lost myself this week. I really hate having to face people who pretend or being two-faced to me. It’s just not fair to me.

I threw tantrum at home, neglected almost everything. I feel so helpless despite all the help that were offered to me. My motivation fell and I had zero confidence in doing anything. I guess I should just delete my Whatsapp and focus completely on studying, like Wei Qi. Hahaha. Well, I’m getting a little more impatient and tired. Time to give my all for end-semester exams and burn out afterwards.

I gained a little motivation and inspiration after Joseph Schooling, beat Micheal Phelps, his idol in the finals for 100m Butterfly event and eventually achieve an olympic record timing of 50.39s and the first gold medal for Singapore. History was made. How I wish, I could do the same too… But is there even hope for me?

Exams are coming in two weeks time. Hope everyone give in their best and achieve their desired GPA. I’ll stop writing for now. Have a good week ahead!

– Eric

Ignorance

Seriously, I cannot stand it anymore. Just because I’m quiet and easy bullied doesn’t mean that I can be taken advantage of.

People just blatantly use me for their own benefits and after that they’ll just leave and come back again oncd they need my help again. I just cannot take this anymore. This time, I cannot cope with my emotions anymore and I might go crazy this time. I really need a break from everything.

It seems like, their actions have made me trade my smile for a frown. I can’t see myself smiling, even if I do it’s fake and not legitimate. I should stop being nice to everyone and just live in this dull world where everything is just against me.

I am not myself anymore.

It sucks being very friendly and patient with people. I’m sick of wearing different emotion guises everyday to suit the mood of others. I hate getting ignored and stepped over on by people. I just hate this life of mine. 

I have thoughts about ending my life. I just wanna sleep through everything. If I were to answer this question: “What is the purpose of life? Why do we live?” I would answer: “To live for the sake of others and to suffer in this torturing world full of two-faced people.”

– Eric

Weekly Update 7/8

It has been a rough week and honestly, I almost broke down.

I’ve cleared majority of my presentations and it was alright. But the thing is, I’m back to being my old self again. My depressing, dark self

It really sucks to have this mentality knowing that everything negative will happen again but I had no choice. From being left out to getting ignored during conversations are the last things that you don’t want to happen.

It sounds so cliché whenever someone tells me to cheer up and all. I really appreciate it… However it doesn’t really help ): Personally I feel like I’m having a war with myself and doing the smallest things like eating and making my bed are suddenly hard for me. Sigh.

Wishing for a better week. Till the next post, bye.

– Eric

Irritation

I’m pretty annoyed lately by almost everything. I couldn’t focus much on anything. 


Every. 

Small. 

Things.

 Affect.

Me.

Before I wrote this, I just had my presentation and it was okay. However, during the presentation, I observed that some people weren’t listening and it was really really  irritating. Maybe I’m too paranoid or something but it seemed to me that I care too much about the little details and things that are happening around me.

Besides that, it’s also annoying that people you chat with you don’t reply you, intentionally. It is understandable that one can choose not to reply if the other person replies “Okay.” “Thank you.” and all that. But sometimes it really sucks when they ignore you after you continued the conversation or ask a question. In Whatsapp especially, you’re hoping for them to reply you eventually but you see them online for so long but they didn’t reply you. Some people intentionally switch off their read receipts so that there won’t be any blue ticks but instead grey ticks. 

Sometimes they give excuses why they didn’t reply when you ask them. “Sorry I didn’t see.” “I was busy!” etc. Not all of them are truthful. Most people switch on their notifications so that whenever someone replies to them they can see it on their home screeens. However, some of them will see but pretend that they “didn’t see the notification”.  Bullshit. They’re busy? *Sees them actively on Snapchat snapping regularly* *Online on Whatsapp for so long they “forget” to reply* Sometimes you forget to reply, but it doesn’t everytime right.

Sigh, I feel like I care too much. Maybe I should just return to being an introvert and lock myself out from the world. They told me to try and talk and I did. I tried but to no avail. This feeling sucks.

– Eric