I am someone full of emotions and an introvert. People describe me as too quiet, bipolar (when I’m super duper low). Most of the time I’m feeling nothing and I conceal all the negativity in me. Almost no one could tell what I was thinking, the ones who did saw through me was my secondary school PE (Physical Education) teacher and my closest juniors and seniors.
I do not know how to feel and how to react to certain situations and I will be awkwardly standing still like a log. Seriously, I’m socially awkward.
Well, the reason why I dare not to speak up is because I’m afraid that I might accidentally offend that person or talk about topics that are really sensitive to that person. Besides, I don’t really know how to start a proper conversation. If I ever try to talk to someone who I’ve never talk to before, I will present myself and talk formally, like very very formally.
Being quiet kinda sucks. I have no idea what to say and if I’m ever with a group like my classmates, I will just listen to them and join the conversation whenever I feel like it. And then I’ll just quietly listen again. I wonder, if my inability to be socially active really makes me a really boring person. A person who is like a stone, still and silent. What benefits can I gain for being like this.
Honestly, I know I can hardly interact with someone one-to-one for very long because they will be thinking like “He’s kinda monotonous” and all that. I usually see people I try to talk to on Whatsapp, their status will be “online” and my message still has the double grey tick. Hoping they will reply but they don’t. Even when they’re online for quite some time, they would be talking to others and not really bringing their attention to someone who is patiently waiting for a reply. Sigh. I’m trying my best to talk as much as I can but not to the extent of talking nonsense. I really don’t have much people who are willing to listen to my problems… /:
Hopefully things will change soon. I can’t stand being like this anymore.
I shall stop here for now. See you guys again in my next post. Stay positive and have a good day ahead 😀👋