I was at this point very happy and then my dad decided to do this once again and he was much more aggressive this time. My mum was using her phone and then my dad went and snatch it off from her phone. My mum tried to retaliate. From there my dad started shouting and doubting at her saying that she has an affair with another man outside and she retaliated because she was guilty-conscious.

It’s so sad in my 17 years of living I have to hear them fight over the same thing since their marriage in 1991. My dad was deluded and impulsive and wanted my mum to admit that she has a man outside which she didn’t. Instead my dad is the one flirting outside and my mum didn’t even care for a single bit.

Believe it or not, I was watching them quarrel and I wanted to do something but I can’t. My emotions were mixed and I really didn’t know what to do. I was resisting myself to use force against him, because he is still my father. Then suddenly, my dad forced my mum to bring out the marriage certificate and she did. Guess what? He took a pair of scissors and cut into half. He said to her, “Now take out the photos and burn them all. It’s over.” 

This is the worst fear I’ve ever had, and that is to see my parents divorce. I really can’t accept this fact because I always wanted happy parents. And a happy home. I am envious of other families that they bond well with one another and spend quality time together. My family can’t do it. It was close to impossible.

The conflict was the worst in my life that I had to call my auntie over to help break them up. I ran into the room and my dad shouted at me and I wouldn’t care anymore. I cried the worst in my 17 years of bitter life. Having to deal with backstabbers, friends who I thought they really care for me… and now a childhood fear that is about to happen – my parent’s divorce.

My brother who was peacefully asleep woke up and asked me what happened. I couldn’t say a thing. I was having a panic attack and he comforted me and cried too. My mum came into my room and saw her crying sons. She couldn’t help but to cry too. It breaks her heart whenever I cried and I told her in a stuttering manner was that all I wanted, was a happy home.

My auntie came over to break them up. My dad was smoking in the living room while my mum is with us in our bedroom. My brother’s birthday yesterday was the saddest as he had to hear them quarrel and that… divorce was inevitable. It’s just the matter of time when my dad has the money to file the divorce papers and split them into their own lives. 

Marriage is the most blissful event to happen when couples vow their lives to dedicate to their partners and will care and love until death does them apart. My dad changed ever since their marriage. He became a gambler and his attitude changed. Whenever my parents quarrel, my dad will always ask my mum to 回娘家 (go back to her own family). How could my dad treat my mum like this? Has he considered her feelings as she cares for him so much? He refused to listen.

I have to be prepared if they divorce. I’ll have to settle everything from physical to emotional and let my mind at ease. Maybe this is their best way to end the conflict. 

I still love them.

I still do.

I don’t feel like writing anymore and I will write again once I’m feeling better (may take some time). See you guys later.

– Eric


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