“Family”

I was at this point very happy and then my dad decided to do this once again and he was much more aggressive this time. My mum was using her phone and then my dad went and snatch it off from her phone. My mum tried to retaliate. From there my dad started shouting and doubting at her saying that she has an affair with another man outside and she retaliated because she was guilty-conscious.

It’s so sad in my 17 years of living I have to hear them fight over the same thing since their marriage in 1991. My dad was deluded and impulsive and wanted my mum to admit that she has a man outside which she didn’t. Instead my dad is the one flirting outside and my mum didn’t even care for a single bit.

Believe it or not, I was watching them quarrel and I wanted to do something but I can’t. My emotions were mixed and I really didn’t know what to do. I was resisting myself to use force against him, because he is still my father. Then suddenly, my dad forced my mum to bring out the marriage certificate and she did. Guess what? He took a pair of scissors and cut into half. He said to her, “Now take out the photos and burn them all. It’s over.” 

This is the worst fear I’ve ever had, and that is to see my parents divorce. I really can’t accept this fact because I always wanted happy parents. And a happy home. I am envious of other families that they bond well with one another and spend quality time together. My family can’t do it. It was close to impossible.

The conflict was the worst in my life that I had to call my auntie over to help break them up. I ran into the room and my dad shouted at me and I wouldn’t care anymore. I cried the worst in my 17 years of bitter life. Having to deal with backstabbers, friends who I thought they really care for me… and now a childhood fear that is about to happen – my parent’s divorce.

My brother who was peacefully asleep woke up and asked me what happened. I couldn’t say a thing. I was having a panic attack and he comforted me and cried too. My mum came into my room and saw her crying sons. She couldn’t help but to cry too. It breaks her heart whenever I cried and I told her in a stuttering manner was that all I wanted, was a happy home.

My auntie came over to break them up. My dad was smoking in the living room while my mum is with us in our bedroom. My brother’s birthday yesterday was the saddest as he had to hear them quarrel and that… divorce was inevitable. It’s just the matter of time when my dad has the money to file the divorce papers and split them into their own lives. 

Marriage is the most blissful event to happen when couples vow their lives to dedicate to their partners and will care and love until death does them apart. My dad changed ever since their marriage. He became a gambler and his attitude changed. Whenever my parents quarrel, my dad will always ask my mum to 回娘家 (go back to her own family). How could my dad treat my mum like this? Has he considered her feelings as she cares for him so much? He refused to listen.

I have to be prepared if they divorce. I’ll have to settle everything from physical to emotional and let my mind at ease. Maybe this is their best way to end the conflict. 

I still love them.

I still do.

I don’t feel like writing anymore and I will write again once I’m feeling better (may take some time). See you guys later.

– Eric

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Happy 14th Birthday my dearest brother

It’s my brother’s 14th birthday today! Happy Birthday to him and hope he is healthy and happy 😀😀😀 Sadly he slept early and he couldn’t enjoy the rest of his birthday D:

My brother, Edmund being my one and only sibling, is the only one I talk to most of the time at home. I’m sorry for being mean to you and for the late night fights where you got bruised and I get cuts. Even though you don’t know my blog exists (or maybe you do), please be mature and more respectful to your other family members including me (‘: Since you’re the youngest in the family you should also learn to give in and appreciate what we do for you.

PLEASE STUDY HARD AND STOP GAMING EVERYDAY. Learn to manage time and prioritize what you wanna do so that you won’t get scolded often by daddy. 

Be happy 😀

– Eric

Bonded

Today is a very fun day as WPS lesson was very entertaining as the whole class made jokes and it was enjoyable. After lesson we have a 3-hour break before our next lecture at 2pm. 

My class (majority of them) and I went to Bedok Mall to lunch in 18chefs! 16 people and a row of tables and chairs. HAHAHAHA. I ordered something I’ve never tried before. It was pasta with Japanese curry. Honestly it sounds nice but it looks and tastes a bit weird, so I added almost the whole bottle of cheese into it 😂😂😂 Now I’m so damn full and Fu Sheng took the huge stack of tissues from the condiments bar HAHAHAHA

Shall blog again later. Have a nice day ahead 😊

– Eric

Smiling Again

Today’s frisbee training was great! Improved on my throwings and made new friends with the seniors. The seniors are funny af during cool down just now. They are just so hyperactive and sexual HAHAHAHA 😂😂😂

We learnt new handling drills and it was interesting and tiring. I cut myself on the knee and was perspiring like crazy. It went great as I endured through out the training *clap clap*. My friends knew what happened to me and cheered me up. I feel very fortunate to have them with me as they are very true and really cares for me. I will too hehe ✌✌

My brother’s 14th birthday is tomorrow! I have yet to buy him a present due to school ): I will buy it tomorrow or maybe write a card for him. I guess I will consider buying him a basketball since I lost it *still regret up to this day*

It’s a good day and everyday will be much better than the other 😁😁😁 I will blog here for today. See you guys tomorrow 😊✌

– Eric

Encouragement

I cried for the last time in class and I moved on successfully. My friends told me that what has happened has happened. They encouraged me that I still have a bright future ahead and always look forward to life. Look into the future and know what you want to be and be happy. I will return.

My appetite is recovering. Yay! 😀😀😀

Now I’m much more motivated in looking forward into doing things like socialising, studying, eating, frisbee etc hehe. I just got back my financial accouting and I got 43.5/50! Finally an A woooo! 😊 Lost my marks mostly because of theory. Well I will be consistent and not lose track of my progress. 

Gonna enjoy frisbee training later. Shall update again after training. Goodbye and have a good day ahead. And remember, smileeeeeeee (:

– Eric

Sweetness

Slept for around 4 hours today and my appetite is still the same. Nooooo 😭😭😭 It took me half an hour to finish a coconut bread and 10 minutes for coffee. Lately my diet has changed ever since my appetite changed. I ate little for all three meals and I’m starting to eat sweet stuff like chocolates, sweet etc. These little things can make my life much more better but I need to control how much I eat 😂 




Came to school early to print my work and guess what, the library was colder this time and I did not bring my hoodie 😞 After printing I went to slack with my friends in another floor of the library. One of them brought blueberry muffin for me. How sweet 😊 It’s very enjoyable to be with them as they make me laugh and smile and it helps to let go of the remaining negative thoughts inside my mind 😀




Blogging this while in lecture HAHAHA. Alrights gonna focus now and shall blog later!




– Eric

Moving On

Went back to my secondary school to visit some of my teachers and juniors. Apparently almost everyone seem to be gone and only a few were present. Had a great chat with them hehe.


The reason why I went back to my alma mater was because I really wanted to relieve the memories of being a prefect and every sensible to stupid things I did before, and partly because I was bored 😂 I also met up with one of my close friend Jiale. He was doing admin stuff for scouts. We went on to play frisbee, tiring but fun! Halfway through playing, there was a fight between what seems like an old uncle and his son (?) at the block in front of the school field. They were fighting and were shouting loudly at each other. Woah man we almost called the police. Luckily the conflict stopped and it was peaceful again.

After an hour of playing and walking around aimlessly around school, we headed for dinner. Had no idea why I bought chicken tenders from KFC despite knowing that I can’t finish with my current appetite. Well I only ate one and gave the rest to Jiale. I’m a good friend right? 😂✌ We then had an impromptu heart to heart talk about our breakups. We shared similar fate and we cheered each other on. I’ve learn that we cannot bottle up our thoughts too much, as we will explode from it sooner or later. It is that hard stage of life to move on and I’m safe to say now, that I’ve moved on. They are at loss for leaving us. No explanation needed. We are strong and standing tall again. Really thank Jiale for being a good buddy as he was a good listener. We are now happy people 😁😁😁

I have frisbee training tomorrow and I hope my knee won’t cock up 😭 Time to do my work now! See you guys tomorrow 😉

Smiling is contagious, smile more 😁

– Eric

Trust

Gotten my microeconomics paper and well I scored 70.5/100. Still okay and I hope I can do better next time. I need to have full trust on myself to be confident in whatever I do. I can do this.

Trust is something I truly treasure. You cherish it and I’ll cherish it too. You betray it, karma will get in you eventually. I trust people easily because they’re very nice to me. But sometimes I’m just taken for granted. I’m used to fulfill their temporary happiness or goals. Am I that naive? 

I would like to thank my friend for giving me sweets and a smile polaroid. It will definitely make my day 😊✌ Gonna get my financial accounting paper tomorrow. 加油to me. After my microeconomics tutorial I’m gonna return to my secondary school to visit my lovely teachers and juniors 😁😁😁

Shall stop here for now, see you later 😉

– Eric

School

Surprisingly I couldn’t sleep throughout the whole night as I was trying to clear off the bad stuff in my head. It’s really nice to reflect at this period of time. I’ve learnt to improve myself and love myself more too. Have been catching up with EURO while staying up. As predicted, France, Germany and Belgium made it through round of 16.

The lack of sleep now means I’m most probably gonna sleep during lecture or break time. I guess I’m looking forward for the result for my microeconomics paper. Hope I will get the A I desire for 😁

While blogging this post right now, my bro just woke up and is preparing for school. Looking at how chilled he is, I thought to myself, “Maybe I should be like him, he gives zero f***s about anything.” He is a happy lad but a rebel apparently. HAHAHAHA

It’s very tempting for me to snack a lot of tidbits while schooling and the worst thing is most of my lectures are conducted in the lecture theatre nearest to the convenient store 😂 GG my money. But for now I’ve lost a lot of my appetite. 

The much needed space I needed really helps me a lot. Really wish I don’t break down in school or whatsoever. I’m independent and strong and I will conquer every single obstacle. It is 5.13 am as I conclude this post. Hope you have a good day ahead!

– Eric

Smile

Hi guys I’m back again 😁

I had dinner with my fellow classmate Noble after we have completed our project work. We went to Bedok 85 to eat good food. Mmmmdap 😛 We also drank beer, mainly because I wanted to drink my sorrows away. It did help but when we were gonna take the bus to Bedok Mall I got a bit drunk and started trashtalking and walking unevenly. It was lucky that I did not collaspe phewww.

Really wanna thank those who really cheered me up and I really appreciate it 😁 It really makes me motivated when my junior said something I never thought of before. I am much happier now hehe 😉 If you’re reading this, please cheer up and most importantly, smile through your day like this.

HAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂 It really feels a lot better smiling and I look and feel much more cheerful when smiling 😁

Alrights I shall stop here for today. School is starting tomorrow (major turnoff) 😑 See you guys tomorrow! Stay happy hehe.

– Eric